My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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