and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
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its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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