i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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