Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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