Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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