Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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