Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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