what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
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Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
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Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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