i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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