I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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