Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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