Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
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I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
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I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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