does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
please don't ironically join a cult
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