Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
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im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
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TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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