The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize