I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
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Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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