epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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