too bad you live with your parents still
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
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So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
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Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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