They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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