Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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