I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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