He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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