I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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