i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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