i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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