Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
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My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
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Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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