I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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