White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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