Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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