trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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