glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize