been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
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On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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