Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize