wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
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I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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