I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
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