Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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