he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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