I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize