I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
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You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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