I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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