How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
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when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
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Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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