We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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