omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
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Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
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All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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