Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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