I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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