Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
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There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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