i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
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Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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