he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize