I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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