i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
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toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
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not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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